Band Vs Promoter

Just for fun.

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Closed Caption:

hello I hear your band would like to
play one of our awesome epic big nights
yeah I see you put on nights at some
really decent venues and your website
suggests you've previously put on some
big names thanks
my website is a well-constructed force
we filled it with height bands those
words in bright colors
what
i will offer you a tuesday night slot at
a cool new venue it's in a really hip
area that's why it's very far away from
any public transport links
right well that sounds promising
will you be doing much promotion for the
big now just because I'm a promoter
doesn't mean I have to promote that is
your job
I will need you to arrive at 5pm for a
sound check the soundcheck will not
happen in fact the venue doors won't
even be open until 7pm 30 minutes before
you are due on stage the soundman will
be stressed and most likely bitter from
years of working for dicks like me he
will also have no training and sound
will there be on stage monitors there
will be no on stage monitors i'm
currently hiring them out from my
parent's garage for weddings totally
epic
oh and the equipment will be old shit
and drenched in beer
what about the other bands there will be
seven known bands all from completely
different genres including my cousins 8p
samba band with three drummers they are
called sensual pounding gosh they will
require a two hour sound Shack which
mostly consists of tuning drums they
will expect you to lend them all the
equipment you have bought with you
this will mean that the gig will start
an hour later that it needs to and there
will be no space on stage for you and
your equipment the door charge will
increase 28 pounds
hey there's loads of bands yeah
you will now be on last most of the
bands i've added to the bill will be
traveling from other cities and we'll
need to leave early
they will have no local following with
the
my cousin will be bringing 10 friends
his band will play the prime slot they
will all leave after playing despite the
fact you have promoted the event and 150
people you will have to go on after 11pm
meaning your fans have tell you their
get taxis home or leave before your set
your set will be cut short to suit the
venue's car few totally bus
yeah will you be at the venue on the
night
not a chance I hate going out to gigs in
the mirror idea of watching you play
makes me physically sick
how much
we get paid nothing i will not inform
anyone at the venue that you are
expecting to be paid the door staff will
leave before you go on stage the free
beers they have offered you will be warm
carling you will have one each
it'll be midnight before you leave and
you will be mud was taking your
equipment to your car
well gee I will not answer your calls i
will not answer your emails in a month's
time I will ask you to play again and
pretend I've never worked with you sound
good
epic