Papy Grenier - Goldeneye 64

3eme vidéo de Papy grenier sur Goldeneye 64 sur... 64. :d Bon visionnage à tous ! :)

Merci à Emilie de nous avoir aidé pour le rôle de natalya ! :)

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Closed Caption:

And now, let's follow a new story of Papy Grenier.
Hey, Papy Grenier ! Hello Papy !
Oh, oh, oh, Children. Here you are as every month, offscreen...
... and with your chipmunk voice.
Papy, Papy, Can you tell us a story ?
Oh... A story. Everything started 4.56 billion years ago,
when the Earth was a gigantic ball of fire and...
Don't make the story too long, Papy, please.
Oh, well, ok... So...
Did I ever tell you about the time I was a secret agent? It was in 1997.
*Music of GoldenEye*
AAAAH!!!
Oh eh, that's okay, why is everyone reacting like that?
Oh la la...
Well, I was there to fight against communists.
I will put an end to your barbarian ideology about the equitable distribution of resources!
I remember that it all began in a dam
that was protected by the worst Russian soldiers in the world.
They were not very smart, I have to admit it.
(Wait... Is there someone? I'm almost certain that there's someone here... Wait, shit!)
(I should see his shoes to be sure...)
But anyway, they were true soldiers. They had learned to ignore the pain.
As long as they didn't see the enemy, they wouldn't quit their posts.
*gunshot* Ouch! Shit, fucking h-... ouch...
Well, it's surely an insect.
*gunshot* Oh, well, it is windy.
However, when they saw me, they became true killing machines.
I remember their modus operandi.
It was always the same. At first, they were pointing at you, then they stopped, next, they stepped aside,
next, they were pointing you again, they knelt and they rolled aside.
Not surprising if they were easy to kill.
I admit that, sometimes, I asked myself if they didn't do it on purpose.
Well, guys, I have a friend who has a big problem. He is pretending to be a secret agent.
So here is... So, be nice with him and play along with his delirium.
But above all, try to die in a subtle and natural way, okay?
Well, sometimes, they actually managed to hurt me.
*blowing noises*
Papy! If you take a bullet, it doesn't make this noise.
Really?
*shot fires*
Ah, you're right! Oh, oh!
Come on, go and get a bandage in the cabinet.
Myself, in all of that... I was a secret agent.
I had a watch that didn't indicate the time
and above all, I had a lot of weapons!
I had my PP7 silencer, I had AK-47s, I had sniper rifles, I had DSKs...
Nothing like a DSK to blow his load, no? Ha, ha, ha!
*Sigh* What a band of idiots!
My mission was to find the GoldenEye. I have to admit that I was a not-so-great secret agent.
I wasted all my time drawing cocks on the walls with bullet holes,
I jumped from draws without any elastic harness,
and I systematically exploded everything in my sight.
Every time there was a TV or a screen, I felt compelled to shoot it so it would explode.
By the way, I felt that sometimes, it annoyed people around me.
*Russian accent* James, I will reprogram the communication satellite for...
*shots fire*
By the way, when I think of it, it was strange. Everything exploded!
The chairs, the furniture, the desk lamps, even the plastic car models exploded when shot on.
You would think that Michael Bay was working at IKEA at this rate.
Anyway, for this mission, I was accompanied by Natalya, a redhead, blind scientist with strong suicidal tendencies.
Oh, what a bitch!
I remember these times we ended up together, in the lift.
I always loved women who acted a little distant from me,
she remained stonily indifferent, even when I danced before her, but I knew that it had an effect on her.
We were bonded to each other, in this really romantic, really intimate atmosphere,
that I took my gun and I shot her in the pus...
PAPY!!!
OH!! But... what?!? The Russian soldiers were such idiots that it was necessary to have a little fun,
and everybody did it!!
I experienced such adventures, eh?
I remember when I was made prisoner along with Natalya,
and I managed to escape in front of the guard thanks to my magnetic watch.
Oh la la. It was...
...easy.
*magnet noises*
But well, sometimes, we met other agents. They came from everywhere in the world.
Sometimes, it was a little strange.
There were Russian soldiers, dwarfs with top hats,
strange men with Hawaiian shirts...
We were not familiar with the procedure, so, we acted on instinct.
*cuff noises*
It's true that I always found that strange, in the handbook.
I remember Dede, the scientist. He loved to put lots of mines,
he put mines on bulletproof vests, he put mines in the door angles, and...
...and above all, it was not recommended to go to the restroom after him, because he put some everywhere.
Mines... Ok?
There was also Ryton, the Wall Pass, too,
he was the victim.
He was the guy who hid himself all the time...
... badly!
A strange guy, this Ryton. He loved to hide himself
and to hide others' belongings. He pushed the bulletproof vests into the walls, he was slightly mischievous.
But well, you are still too young to know guns, right? You will have to wait 'till public junior High school for that.
Violence with friends, you can't explain it. You have to live it.
Violence! Unforgettable moments!
Papy, did you always win?
Oh, not always. But well, don't forget. The most important thing, it's not to win.
The most important thing is to humiliate your opponent, ho, ho, ho!
But Papy, it is not a story, it's a video game.
*Dragon's Quest music*
*shots fire*
No!
Come on, Papy, tell another story!
Ho, ho, ho, of course!
But it will be for the next time!