Lumi-Taint | Super Amazing Innovations

Does Lumi-Taint sound like a procedure that you and a potential lover might benefit from? This woman says "yes." And not just because we paid her.

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Closed Caption:

[MUSIC]
Hello, I'm Dexter Charles.
And it is my distinct pleasure to
introduce you to a bygone era,
some of the most exciting Internet to
ever grace our information highway.
An era both alluring while
at the same time infectious.
And they were rife with some of the most-
>> My God Dexter,
you sound like an infected thesaurus.
>> I'm trying to introduce
super deluxe classics.
Don't piss me off.
>> What'd you say?
Stupid deluxe?
I'm a bit too deaf for ya playboy?
I'm not afraid of your wizardry anymore.
Boom, technology.
I ain't afraid of you anymore.
Your little mind tricks ain't
going to work on me any longer.
[MUSIC]
>> Dexter!
Dexter!
Dexter!
Dexter!
Dexter!
Mom?
Mom!
Dexter did that thing to Bruce again.
>> Yes, as I was saying, I present you
with another Super Deluxe Classic.
[MUSIC]
[MUSIC]
>> Hello everyone,
welcome back to super-amazing innovations.
I'm Randolph Mantooth,
and I'd like to introduce you
to our next super-amazing guest.
She's a transcriber from Jersey City.
Welcome to the show, Liz.
>> Thank you, Randy.
It's so nice to be here.
>> Now, let me ask you honestly, like
a lot of women, have you ever undergone
a cosmetic procedure to heighten
your sense of attractiveness?
[SOUND]
>> I would not say I have had a procedure,
I might consider
a procedure at some point.
>> Well, I have to tell you as a man,
I appreciate cosmetic and
aesthetic procedures.
And none more than the latest
breakthrough in cosmetic sciences.
Anal bleaching.
Liz, what do you know about
this hip new procedure?
>> Anal bleaching?
>> Yes.
>> I would say that this is probably
the first time I've heard of it.
>> Now I don't want to
get too personal Liz, but
does this sound like a procedure you and
a potential lover might benefit from?
>> I would say yes.
>> What would be the attraction,
do you think,
that people would find
with anal bleaching?
>> Well,
I can see that it would have its benefits
when one is wearing a bathing suit for
the beach.
When one is wearing some very,
very sexy underwear,
and pubic hair looks very, very unsightly.
I would imagine that just the overall
appearance of the under area would just be
generally improved.
>> What if I told you,
you too could have a completely
youthful looking anus infusia.
>> Well, I'd say that I have to
really hear more about the product.
>> Introducing a revolutionary
breakthrough technology in home
cosmetics care.
Lumi-Taint.
Lumi-Taint is a patented
formula from the Varon Labs.
It finally provides a safe, economical and
convenient solution to the heartbreak
of damaged anal and fuchsia epidermis.
>> Well it's about time.
How does it work?
>> The Lumi-Taint system is designed
specifically for your ease and
convenience, which we'll
demonstrate now with your help.
You ready to get started?
>> Yeah I can't wait.
>> Like all epidermal treatments, step one
is to prepare your skin for application.
Liz, please, will you do the honors?
Here, just use this liquid and
make sure the area is very clean.
>> Absolutely, very clean.
Hello, Sally.
>> Okay, yeah you wanna get-
>> That's good?
>> Way in there, make sure it's all
very extremely clean before you do this.
>> Yep, okay, I think so.
>> Now, step two.
>> Mm-hm.
>> Make sure it's very dry.
>> Okay.
>> And you'll do the same thing,
getting way up in there and dry it.
Make sure it's very, very dry.
[NOISE]
>> All right.
>> Okay, using your index finger and
your forefinger you simply scoop
a goodly amount of the soothing
Lumi-Taint cream out of the jar.
And apply a generous amount
throughout the area,
gently massaging it into the skin
around the anus and fuscia.
If you will.
>> All right.
>> Very good.
>> Okay, I'm back.
>> It really needs to penetrate in there.
Okay, very good.
>> Okay.
>> Now, let me ask you.
>> Mm-hm.
>> How does that feel on your skin?
How does that ointment feel?
>> It feels nice and soft and smooth.
>> Here's the final step, Liz.
>> Okay.
>> You illuminate the plasma lamp and
simply straddle it.
And as each daily treatment requires 45
minutes, there's plenty of productive
activities you could incorporate
into your Lumi-Taint regimen.
Liz, how do you think
you would pass the time?
>> Well, I think I'd have my laptop handy,
catch up on some emails.
I probably could find a way to do some
easy cooking and maybe do my nails.
>> Liz, are you sold?
>> Absolutely.
Look out darkened, weathered anus.
Lumi-Taint is about to brighten you up.
>> [LAUGH] Liz,
I couldn't have said it better myself.
I want to thank Liz for helping us
show you the wonders of Lumi-Taint.
This is Randolph Mantooth saying,
see you next time and thanks for watching.
>> You've been watching fake products
with real people on SuperDeluxe.com.
Are you kidding me?
[LAUGH]
>> Now
it's just a matter of placing Rusty's body
into this very attractive disposal bag and