The Central Message of the 2016 Election Is: Never Email

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell is the latest public figure to see his emails leaked to the public, and there are some real bombshells.

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Closed Caption:

WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW,""
EVERYBODY.
I'M STEPHEN COLBERT.
>> THERE'S A BIG STORY THAT
REINFORCED WHAT I BELIEVE IS THE
CENTRAL MESSAGE OF THE 2016
ELECTION-- NEVER USE E-MAIL.
THE LATEST PERSON CAUGHT WITH
HIS INBOX FLAPPIN' IN THE WIND
IS FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE,
COLIN POWELL, WHO HAD ABOUT TWO
YEARS OF E-MAILS STOLEN AND THEN
POSTED ON LINE.
TWO YEARS!
WOW!
THAT IS A DEEP DIVE INTO THE
COLIN.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
AND THESE EMAILS CONTAIN SOME
REAL BOMBSHELLS.
FOR INSTANCE, POWELL CALLED
DONALD TRUMP "A NATIONAL
DISGRACE AND AN INTERNATIONAL
PARIAH."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
BUT THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY FAIR.
HE'S ALSO AN INTERNATIONAL
DISGRACE AND A NATIONAL PARIAH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AND IN ANOTHER EMAIL, POWELL
SAID THAT ANY MEDIA ATTENTION
JUST HELPS TRUMP, EVEN
CRITICISMS,
WRITING, "TO GO ON AND CALL HIM
AN IDIOT JUST EMBOLDENS HIM."
IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE.
YOU CANNOT STOP TRUMP BY CALL
HIM STUPID.
HE'S JUST LIKE FORREST GUMP:
HE WAS BIG IN THE '90s, SOMEHOW
ACQUIRED A FORTUNE, AND RUNS
LONGER THAN ANYONE THOUGHT HE
COULD.
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE-- RUN,
FOREST!
RUN!
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS FORREST
GUMP WENT TO VIETNAM.
IT'S TRUE.
COLD-BLOODED!
BUT SECRETARY POWELL DIDN'T JUST
TALK TRUMP.
HE LET LOOSE ON
HILLARY CLINTON WITH EITHER A
BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT OR A
FRONTHANDED INSULT WRITING:
>> Jon: OH, COLD-BLOODED.
>> Stephen: "BIMBOS."
A DAMNING ACCUSINGATION.
AND I'VE GOT TO SAY, THE WORST
DAVE MATTHEWS SONG EVER.
THAT'S MY DAVE MATTHEWS.
IT'S NOT VERY GOOD.
THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME THESE
TWO HAVE BUTTED HEADS. BECAUSE
HILLARY HAS REPEATEDLY
CLAIMED THAT COLIN POWELL WAS
THE ONE WHO TOLD HER TO SET UP A
PRIVATE SERVER, WHILE IN THE
LEAKED E-MAILS COLIN POWELL
WRITES:
IT'S NICE TO KNOW THAT TWO
PEOPLE WHO HAVE SERVED AS THIS
COUNTRY'S TOP DIPLOMATS
COMMUNICATE VIA "MINI-TANTRUMS."
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
BUT AT LEAST--
( APPLAUSE )
AT LEAST-- MINI-TANTRUM.
JUST A MINI-TANTRUM.
BUT AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T GET THE
FULL COLIN FREAKOUT.
SHE JUST GOT THE SEMI-COLON.
( APPLAUSE )
YES, THANK YOU.
THAT DESERVED-- THAT'S A JOKE
YOU WANT TO END WITH THAT--
SEMICOLON.
GUESS WHAT, GUESS WHAT?
THIS IS GREAT NEWS.
A NEW CENSUS DATA JUST CAME OUT.
SIT DOWN, I KNOW WE'RE ALL
EXCITED.
THE REPORT SHOWED THAT FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN SEVEN YEARS,
MEDIAN HOUSEHOLD INCOME WENT
UP.
IT ALSO HAD SOME GOOD NEWS FOR
THE LADY BECAUSE THE GENDER WAGE
GAP HAS CAN DECREASED BY ONE
CENT, ONE CENT.
SO, GALS, WHY DON'T YOU
CELEBRATE WITH A NICE PIECE OF
PENNY CANDY.
NOT TWO PIECES, THOUGH.
THAT'LL TAKE ANOTHER 25 YEARS.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN BEATING
AROUND THE BUSH HERE.
I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING THAT'S
KIND OF UPSETTING ME, I WAS
HOPING I COULD GET IT OFF MY
CHEST.
WOULD THAT BE OKAY?
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS
EARLIER.
I FEEL DUMB.
I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.
I NEVER KNEW THERE WERE FOUR
DIFFERENT SPECIES OF GIRAFFES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
APPARENTLY, A NEW STUDY FOUND
THERE ARE FOUR SPECIES OF
GIRAFFE INSTEAD OF JUST ONE.
I GUESS NOW WHEN YOUR
FIVE-YEAR-OLD SAYS THEIR
FAVORITE ANIMAL IS A GIRAFFE,
YOU CAN SAY, "BE MORE SPECIFIC,
JONATHAN, OR YOU'LL NEVER GET
INTO THE RIGHT PRE-SCHOOL."
( LAUGHTER )
AND, SURE, NO ONE KNEW THAT
UNTIL THIS WEEK, BUT I STILL
FEEL PRETTY STUPID.
PLUS, UP UNTIL NOW, I JUST
THOUGHT A
GIRAFFE WAS JUST A
SNAKE ON TOP OF A HORSE.
SCIENTISTS MADE THE DISCOVERY BY
PERFORMING SKIN BIOPSIES ON 190
GIRAFFES FROM ALL AROUND AFRICA.
THEY FOUND FOUR DISTINCT SPECIES
AND THREE MOLES THE GIRAFFES
MIGHT WANT TO HAVE CHECKED OUT.
ADDITIONALLY, "THE FOUR NEWLY
DEFINED SPECIES CANNOT BREED
WITH EACH OTHER IN THE WILD,"
ALTHOUGH, IN THE GIRAFFES'
DEFENSE, THEY'VE BEEN UNDER A
LOT OF STRESS AT WORK, AND THEY
GOT KIDS NOW.
AND, FRANKLY, EVEN WHEN THEY
WERE YOUNGER
THE SEX WAS GOOD, BUT NOT
EXACTLY "IN THE WILD."
GIRAFFES USUALLY DON'T MAKE IT
PAST THE NECKING PHASE.