Types of Uber Drivers

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If you're anything like me, you use Uber a lot and you've definitely experienced these types of drivers behind the wheel. Enjoy xo

Thanks for watching and don't forget to keep smiling =D !

---

Closed Caption:

- Who?
Who pops a pimple before
they shoot a video?
Whattup everyone, it's
your girl Superwoman.
And before I begin let me
just say that I love Uber.
Uber has changed my life.
No, this is not an ad.
No, this is not sponsored and to prove it
this is vodka.
I just drank it, no company
would sponsor this video.
Unless it was a vodka company.
Speaking of vodka, on
behalf of someone who
occasionally likes to enjoy a cosmo or two
and has a very low tolerance,
I don't like to drive
because drinking and driving is not cool.
Thus, Uber.
Straight up, the biggest lightweight ever.
I just have to take a selfie
with a bottle of vodka
and I won't pass a breathalyzer test.
Worst Punjabi ever.
Now in case you're living
in a part of the world
that doesn't have Uber.
It's basically like a
taxi on demand service
through your app,
honestly if you don't know
what Uber is then chances
are you don't have
internet either so you
can't really watch this.
In which case, yo whattup friend?
How's that rock?
(squeals)
I've taken a lot of
Ubers and if you have too
then you definitely experienced
these types of Uber drivers.
Number one, the lost soul.
Alright so I request and Uber, right
and I drop a pin on my
location, here I am.
And I see you, and your
little animated car
and you're over here, and I'm like great
you have to get from here to here.
The app says you're two minutes away
I'm like great, splendid,
everything is going marvelously.
You have one job, that is to pick me up
so far you are nailing it.
(makes tapping noise)
It says you're 30 second away.
I'm excited, I'm like my knickers
are in a bunch right now.
Yay transportation!
Then what happens, is suddenly
when you're 30 seconds away
you get possessed and your car makes a 180
and you start heading the other direction.
And you know how the Uber
app shows, okay it doesn't
do a slight turn.
No it just does a
complete 180, where we're
not in the Uber app anymore.
We're in Insidious Three.
And the Uber car's just like
(moans)
That's my ba-- see one sip of vodka.
Why is this happening?
Why is my Uber doing the Cha Cha Slide?
Straight up, this isn't Uber anymore
this is like Roller Coaster Tycoon
and the jerk that's playing
just picked up my Uber
with the little claw and
dropped him somewhere else.
This is karma for all the
times I picked up people
and dropped them in the
water, and they drowned.
(laughs) Was that just me?
So then I call them,
like "Hi, Mr. Uberman,
it looks like you're going the wrong way
just make a little three point turn
and come this way, I'm
standing outside the mall."
And then Mr. Uber driver is like,
"Okay, yeah, I'll be right there."
And here's the thing,
where I feel like you could
say absolutely anything to an Uber driver
and their response will always be
"Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there."
"Hey, yeah, Mr. Uber
driver, I'm waiting on
Saturn's third ring."
"Oh yeah, yeah, I'm turning in."
Okay you turning in, just like I'm gonna
buy Ivy Park to work out, come on.
And then I look at my Uber app
and it's gone from two
minutes to seven minutes
and I'm like "oh my god",
okay, just like my love life
the possibility of me getting picked up
is getting further and further.
♫ Lonely, I'm so lonely. ♫
Left turn, left turn, right
turn, right turn, u turn
all the turns.
Dawg, this is not Monopoly,
you don't have to go around
the whole thing, pass Go to collect me.
This guy calls me back is like
"Oh, hey where are you?"
and I'm like "bruh I'm
at the mall, remember?"
"Which mall?"
"Whatchu me--, the mall that's
being stabbed with the pin
in the app!"
We put pins in things to mark them,
that's how this works, okay.
It's not like a pirate's
gonna look at a treasure map
and be like "Oh you know what,
see that 'x' right there,
they probably crossed it out
cause the treasure's not there."
Follow the pin.
That's what it's for.
I'm waiting and waiting.
I'm literally watching this
Uber driver play PAC-MAN
around my pin.
He calls me back and is like
"Hey, so, where exactly are you going?"
That right there, ah ah,
"Where are you going?"
is another way of saying
"Is this trip worth it?"
Because in the world of Uber,
distance is like cleavage
you're going across the whole city
that's a D cup, you're
going across the street?
Straight teenage boy.
And that's why I never put
my destination address in
before the Uber driver arrives.
I don't want to be
judged by my destination.
If I want to Uber across
the street that's my choice.
Straight up, a Uber driver asking you
where your destination
is before he arrives
is the same thing as a boy asking you
if you have a boyfriend.
He's trying to gauge the
situation to see if it's worth it.
He ain't issuing no government
survey inside that club.
(chuckles)
Knowing my life, he probably is,
like "Hey, are you single?"
I'm like "Yeah."
He's like "Thanks, vote for Bernie"
By the way, I know nothing about politics
so don't take that any type of way
I honestly don't even know any--
I think you should vote
for Justin Trudeau.
And can I just say,
there's no bigger betrayal
than you having a conversation
or two with your driver
letting them know where you
are, what you're all about,
maybe a text or two, you're
on a first name basis.
You leave your party,
"Guys, I gotta go. My Uber's arriving.
My Uber cares about me deeply.
It's pulling up Zhang Chang,
he's about to pull up in
his Hyundai, right now."
You standing by the curb, all confident,
all of a sudden,
(makes buzz noise) your
Uber driver has cancelled.
And I'm just like "What the eff?
I thought we had something special.
I thought we had an understanding."
Honestly, this is probably the
premise of Drake's new album.
Just like "You should
keep your family close,
cause then your dad can pick you up."
Number two, the chatter box.
Don't get me wrong.
I appreciate any person who's friendly
and likes to have conversation
but I equally appreciate people
who can recognize social cues.
I hop into an Uber, right,
and within 30 seconds
I can tell what type of
ride this is gonna be.
If 30 seconds pass and the Uber
driver hasn't said anything,
it's smooth sailing.
I'mma sit back, I'mma relax,
I'mma chew all this free gum.
But if the Uber driver hits you with the
"So how was your day?"
(makes frustrated noise) Oh my god.
I already know what kinda
ride this is gonna be.
This is gonna be the "Where
you going? Where you from?
What do you do for a living?" type ride.
And sometimes I don't feel like talking
so like "Hey, excuse me can you just
put on the radio? Thanks."
But does that stop this
driver from talking?
No.
And now we're listening to the radio
and every song is just
remixed with speed dating.
"Where do you work?"
♫ Work, work, work,
work, work, said me haffi
work, work, work, work, work. ♫
"How long have you lived here?"
♫ I ask myself, what am
I doing here? Oh, here. ♫
"Lily, that's an interesting
name. What does it mean?"
♫ My name is no, my number is no. ♫
Please just let me enjoy
this ride in silence.
I don't feel like talking
and I promise you I will
still give you a good rating,
if you shut your mouth
I promise your rating will
look like a red carpet.
All the stars.
Please.
Number three, the Eskimo.
You ever stepped into
an Uber and straight up
experienced climate change?
Me, af.
See, me, I'm super sensitive to cold.
I am always cold.
And sometimes when I step into an Uber,
the A/C is blasting, I feel
like I'm in Alaskan conditions.
It's just stupidly cold.
I feel like I could
write an article called
"Life hacks for Frosty:
You won't believe number
four, live in this Uber."
I sit down and I try to
ignore it and not say anything
because you know humans,
we're stupid and anytime
we're in an uncomfortable situation,
why just communicate our needs?
Let's just pretend it's not happening.
I would rather freeze than request the A/C
to be turned off because
I'm a nice person.
Does this makes any sense?
No, but this is my logic.
But eventually, I can't take it
because it's freezing.
I got goosebumps all over my body
and honestly if there's
a traffic jam ahead
don't even worry because my nipples
could cut traffic right now.
Literally, I wouldn't
be allowed on a plane
or through security because I have
two sharp objects on my person.
You could, straight up,
hang two jackets on me,
like big jackets, I'm talking
down filled Canadian jackets.
Then I finally cave and
in my super Canadian way
I'm just like "Hi, sorry,
you know what, if you
don't mind, I'm so
sorry, if you could just
turn off the A/C."
And the person acts likes it's the
most ridiculous request ever.
"Off? Completely off? The A/C?"
And I'm just like "Yes,
homeboy I am frozen.
All my leg hairs have grown
back and I shaved this morning.
Usually they would last
until at least this evening.
It's 12pm."
So then homeboy turns off the
A/C but then what does he do?
Roll down all the windows.
So now I have all this
tundra wind up in my face
and not only am I freezing,
my hair is going super crazy.
And my hair is very long,
so not only is it in my way
but the car next door put their window up
and my hair got caught in it.
So now I'm in two cars.
Just driving down the road like this.
(groans)
Number four, the bad
(makes beatbox noises) DJ.
Let me make one thing clear,
if it's a Tuesday afternoon
and I just step into your Uber,
I'm expecting it to be lit.
I need good music at all times.
One time I stepped into an
Uber and the guy was listening
to this weird audio book about
finding something in the woods.
I'm like "oh my god, I'm gonna die."
Obviously, what did I do?
I was like "Can you play
some Taylor Swift? Please."
Cause I wanted to know if
we were out of the woods.
You see what I did? You see what I did?
So homeskillet turns on
the radio and literally
puts the volume at one, like one.
The volume is so low I have
no idea what's playing.
Is this Nicki Minaj?
Is this a commercial?
Is this static?
Honestly, this could be
my stomach for all I know.
So again, in my super
Canadian way, I'm like
"Hi, I'm so sorry to disturb
you, I really apologetic
could you just turn the
volume up a little bit."
Homeboy's like "Sure."
(makes ticking noise)
Turns the dial up by one.
And I'm sitting there like
"What kind of turn up was that?
A 90 year old Mormon man would turn up
more than this turn up right here."
Give me some volume bruh.
Because songs don't sound
good if they're low.
Songs are meant to be played loud.
Imagine listening
to Rihanna's ♫ Work,
work, work, work, work. ♫
on low volume.
(sings quietly) ♫ Work,
work, work, work, work. ♫
I wouldn't believe that she actually
wants me to work.
No, that sounds more like, call in sick,
don't worry about it, take a break.
You play that ish loud like
(sings loudly) ♫ Work,
work, work, work, work. ♫
I'm on a treadmill, writing an essay.
This dude could play Adele's Hello
just like ♫ Hello ♫
and I wouldn't even know it's a song.
I would think that a nearby
cricket is making a phone call.
Number five, the astrologist.
All this Uber driver wants is stars.
You bout to leave outta the
car and the Uber driver's like
"Hey, can you give me
a good rating please?"
And I'm just like "Bruh,
did you earn a good rating?"
You think that's just a simple ask, child,
I gotta few questions for you.
Did you indicate while
changing all up in these lanes?
Did you check your blind spot?
Did you offer me some H 2 hizzle?
What's that?
No, you didn't.
Okay, then you don't get a
good rating, simple as that.
Whatchu think I'm handing
out ratings like flyers,
nah, I put respect on that rating.
And I get it you want a
good rating but it's just
kind of strange when
people bluntly ask you
to do that.
That's like being like "Hey,
can you like my instagram
picture please? Right now."
And even though I'm saying all this
I'm talking so much crap
because I give everyone a good rating.
It doesn't matter what they do.
Literally, a Uber driver
could drive me off a cliff
and as soon as they stitch
my fingers back to my hand
I would give him five stars.
Mad first world problems, bruh.
Yo, I hope you enjoyed that video.
If you did please give it a thumbs up
because that ish matters.
Also leave a comment below
letting me know is this just me?
Have you experienced these Uber drivers?
My last video is right over there.
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Thanks.
One love, Superwoman.
That is a wrap, and zoop!